Humbling Day
Twice today I found myself a humbled woman...well twice I noticed anyway.
Some days we walk around in the world thinking we have it all together, and then there are days when someone reminds us that we don't. Today was one of those days.
I took Gracie to the library this afternoon, and while she sat and worked puzzles and I searched the racks for cute new books to read, a woman and three other children walked over to Gracie's table. The kids of course wanted to share in the puzzles, and the woman was very nice and heard me call out to Gracie to share. One of the little girls with her was named "Gracie" as well. The woman asked me how old my Gracie was. When I replied" two and a half" I got the usual bewildered look and comment of how tall she was for her age. I smiled and perked up a little, proud as any mother would be of her advanced daughter. The woman pointed out that her Gracie was 2 as well, and would turn 3 next month. The other Gracie seemed very excited that she shared a name and age with my pumpkin. The little girl looked right at the woman and said loudly and clearly "mommy, she has the same name as me, and she is the same age." Inside my jaw dropped, I smiled at the little girl but inside I had been knocked down a peg. My Gracie who is only 5 months younger than the other beautiful toddler can bearly be understood or make a complete sentence. Compared to my Gracie, this toddler should be enrolled in the School For The Dramatic Arts!
Yeah, yeah Garren has already told me to stop comparing our child. The point is I was humbled. I am still extremely proud of my Gracie, but today perhaps I learned a lesson in being a little too proud, even if it was on the inside.
My second humbling experience was much harder to handle. This evening as we were finishing up our grocery shopping, apparently our over-filled cart, or not-so-new clothes, or young appearance, or a combination of several of those things; made a woman fear we might rob her. She was standing on the other side of the isle as she attempted to pick out fresh peaches. I had Garren steer our two weeks worth of groceries and talkative baby between her and the produce. I politely said "excuse us," and smiled. Before we could pass her completely the 50ish year old woman sneered at us and grabbed her purse from her shopping cart before making the 2 steps to pick out her peaches after we passed.
This woman, who didn't even know us, treated us like poor white trash, who would obviously steal from her to buy our purchases. I won't lie; it took my breath away. I know that we would be considered "lower middle income" or whatever by the people who make up the rules and categories, but it had never been so obvious to me before. Taking a HUGE paycut and raising Gracie at home has always felt right, even if I don't have nice clothes, or Gracie wears second hand or we have to buy all of our groceries from Wal Mart two weeks at a time.
I have seen the raised eyebrows and listened to the "I could never..." conversations before when I mention I am a stay at home mom--and, I have worried about not giving Gracie the things other kids have like toys and videos and vacations and college funds, etc. But, Garren and I always come back and say Gracie is getting something worth much more than all of that. I keep those warm thoughts close at hand for my next battle with another mom that will likely come my way, but tonight an older woman couldn't have cared less about my sacrifice, or what my family does to make sure Gracie has a loving Christian home, she just cared that we looked poor. And I found myself deeply humbled.
Tonight, I left Walmart knowing that I would feed my family for another two weeks, I would tuck my happy toddler in a warm bed after spending quality family time reading and getting ready to end the day. Tomorrow I will wake up to two peeping eyes staring at me from the side of the bed, and I will know it is time to start a new day. I will dress my child and probably fix her hair in pig-tails. I will sing and do the "Angelina dance" in our small but loving home, I will fix her a wholesome lunch and have deep conversations. I will guide her hand as we work on letters, I will color pages and make up songs. I will know that God has given me a wonderful life, and I will ask His forgiveness for allowing two women to take away my security for a few brief moments...or maybe I will thank Him.
Some days we walk around in the world thinking we have it all together, and then there are days when someone reminds us that we don't. Today was one of those days.
I took Gracie to the library this afternoon, and while she sat and worked puzzles and I searched the racks for cute new books to read, a woman and three other children walked over to Gracie's table. The kids of course wanted to share in the puzzles, and the woman was very nice and heard me call out to Gracie to share. One of the little girls with her was named "Gracie" as well. The woman asked me how old my Gracie was. When I replied" two and a half" I got the usual bewildered look and comment of how tall she was for her age. I smiled and perked up a little, proud as any mother would be of her advanced daughter. The woman pointed out that her Gracie was 2 as well, and would turn 3 next month. The other Gracie seemed very excited that she shared a name and age with my pumpkin. The little girl looked right at the woman and said loudly and clearly "mommy, she has the same name as me, and she is the same age." Inside my jaw dropped, I smiled at the little girl but inside I had been knocked down a peg. My Gracie who is only 5 months younger than the other beautiful toddler can bearly be understood or make a complete sentence. Compared to my Gracie, this toddler should be enrolled in the School For The Dramatic Arts!
Yeah, yeah Garren has already told me to stop comparing our child. The point is I was humbled. I am still extremely proud of my Gracie, but today perhaps I learned a lesson in being a little too proud, even if it was on the inside.
My second humbling experience was much harder to handle. This evening as we were finishing up our grocery shopping, apparently our over-filled cart, or not-so-new clothes, or young appearance, or a combination of several of those things; made a woman fear we might rob her. She was standing on the other side of the isle as she attempted to pick out fresh peaches. I had Garren steer our two weeks worth of groceries and talkative baby between her and the produce. I politely said "excuse us," and smiled. Before we could pass her completely the 50ish year old woman sneered at us and grabbed her purse from her shopping cart before making the 2 steps to pick out her peaches after we passed.
This woman, who didn't even know us, treated us like poor white trash, who would obviously steal from her to buy our purchases. I won't lie; it took my breath away. I know that we would be considered "lower middle income" or whatever by the people who make up the rules and categories, but it had never been so obvious to me before. Taking a HUGE paycut and raising Gracie at home has always felt right, even if I don't have nice clothes, or Gracie wears second hand or we have to buy all of our groceries from Wal Mart two weeks at a time.
I have seen the raised eyebrows and listened to the "I could never..." conversations before when I mention I am a stay at home mom--and, I have worried about not giving Gracie the things other kids have like toys and videos and vacations and college funds, etc. But, Garren and I always come back and say Gracie is getting something worth much more than all of that. I keep those warm thoughts close at hand for my next battle with another mom that will likely come my way, but tonight an older woman couldn't have cared less about my sacrifice, or what my family does to make sure Gracie has a loving Christian home, she just cared that we looked poor. And I found myself deeply humbled.
Tonight, I left Walmart knowing that I would feed my family for another two weeks, I would tuck my happy toddler in a warm bed after spending quality family time reading and getting ready to end the day. Tomorrow I will wake up to two peeping eyes staring at me from the side of the bed, and I will know it is time to start a new day. I will dress my child and probably fix her hair in pig-tails. I will sing and do the "Angelina dance" in our small but loving home, I will fix her a wholesome lunch and have deep conversations. I will guide her hand as we work on letters, I will color pages and make up songs. I will know that God has given me a wonderful life, and I will ask His forgiveness for allowing two women to take away my security for a few brief moments...or maybe I will thank Him.
Barbara, you've got it right, You, Garren & Gracie are far richer than the richest on this earth. You have your priorities in order. The way you prepare Gracie for the future now will change this world for the better, and the Lord knows we need changing. Don't let anyone make you feel less, because in our eyes and most importantly God's eyes , you are perfect just the way you are. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteBarbara, trust me, you are doing things right. As I have told you many times before, I wish I could have been more like you. I'm glad I have learned some things over the years. One of them is that time is the most precious gift on earth. Giving it to your child is worth more than any thing. By the time Gracie is 25 (or sooner) you will know Mom actually got something right. Just know, you are doing a great job!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, take the cookie game to the library. Quiz that Gracie on pentagon and crescent! Top that. Elliott and I about died. I totally expected moon, but got crescent!
ReplyDeleteSecondly, my daddy often worked two jobs (one at Dr.Webster's farm) to keep us going. I never had the best of everything, but I had my mama at home! I didn't have to sit for hours waiting to be picked up when I got sick at school. There are so many things that I could say about my stay at home mama! She's the best, and we are so close to this day because of it!