Too Early To The Party?
Now, if you know me well, you know I am rarely (if ever) late. I can't stand to be late, it is one of my pet peeves. I think I also have deeply embedded goody-two-shoes jeans, and we all know a good girl is never late. But when it comes to this HUGE party we call life, I think I was too early.
Some of you may know that I got one of those MySpace pages. I don't use it to blog. After everything I drone on here, about there wouldn't be anything left. I have a few pictures (all of which have been posted here first), and that's about it. I started the page not too long after my high school reunion. It seems it is the "hip" service everyone uses. Apparently blogger is reserved for us duds with families. Anyway, the reason I got a MySpace page is because you have to have one in order to see everyone else's pictures--and we all know how nosy I am.
Being nosy has it drawbacks. Now I know what is going on in just about everyone's life (I have found at least 100 people I went to school with on that site!). My flow of information is taking a toll on my rather weak esteem.
I see all of these people and the amazing adventures they are having in their lives. We are all relatively the same ages and they have either been, or continue to travel all over the world. You saw my map, I haven't been be outside of the Mason Dixon line. They have masters, and PHD's. I have a shinny bachelor's degree....that I don't use. They are just now getting married and having babies after years of promotions and travel and growing experiences.
Now, I don't know much about the rest of you, but when I was in school those whose "adventures" started in high school were the ones who had eyebrows raised at them--not those whose "adventures" started after college! I actually feel like trailer trash sometimes for being married and having a child at 29! I am waiting to dodge stones at any moment.
Now, no one start with the speech about how everyone's life is different, I shouldn't compare myself to them, and to remember I have a wonderful family. Because I do have a wonderful family, and I love my daughter more than anything. But, these past few months I am starting to feel more and more like that awkward girl who arrived at the dance a little too early and she is trying to cover it up.
When did life begin at 30?! I must have missed that memo. I thought that I was well ahead of the curve waiting until after college to get married, and then waiting several years before starting a family.
The more I write, the more I wonder if the root of this problem is I am afraid there are no more adventures left for me.
I am not a traveler. The one time I was on a plane I hated it, and I have no desire to fly EVER again. I don't party. My idea of a good time is a tea party worth 4 other kids. I don't want to get married again. My wedding was a disaster--thankfully the groom turned out to be my soul mate! :) (by the way I want to puke reading about all those love sick 30 year old women who have met their matches and have dream weddings and unforgettable honeymoons.)
Am I out of adventures? Gracie is amazing, and she is an adventure all her own. But, I think I may be done. I will never get up the courage to write articles for Parenting Magazine or publish the children's book that floats in my mind. Is Strasburg, VA it? I am done? Will my excitement level remain my daughter and thrift store sales for the next 10 years?
I guess I really am afraid that my adventures are over, and I do feel like everyone is raising eyebrows at me. "You are married with kids!?" "How nice."
I doubt I will give up my MySpace page, I have reconnected with some classmates, but maybe I will curb my use of looking at so many pages.
In the meantime I will attempt to continue to remind myself, like Hermie the caterpillar, "God isn't finished with me yet."
Some of you may know that I got one of those MySpace pages. I don't use it to blog. After everything I drone on here, about there wouldn't be anything left. I have a few pictures (all of which have been posted here first), and that's about it. I started the page not too long after my high school reunion. It seems it is the "hip" service everyone uses. Apparently blogger is reserved for us duds with families. Anyway, the reason I got a MySpace page is because you have to have one in order to see everyone else's pictures--and we all know how nosy I am.
Being nosy has it drawbacks. Now I know what is going on in just about everyone's life (I have found at least 100 people I went to school with on that site!). My flow of information is taking a toll on my rather weak esteem.
I see all of these people and the amazing adventures they are having in their lives. We are all relatively the same ages and they have either been, or continue to travel all over the world. You saw my map, I haven't been be outside of the Mason Dixon line. They have masters, and PHD's. I have a shinny bachelor's degree....that I don't use. They are just now getting married and having babies after years of promotions and travel and growing experiences.
Now, I don't know much about the rest of you, but when I was in school those whose "adventures" started in high school were the ones who had eyebrows raised at them--not those whose "adventures" started after college! I actually feel like trailer trash sometimes for being married and having a child at 29! I am waiting to dodge stones at any moment.
Now, no one start with the speech about how everyone's life is different, I shouldn't compare myself to them, and to remember I have a wonderful family. Because I do have a wonderful family, and I love my daughter more than anything. But, these past few months I am starting to feel more and more like that awkward girl who arrived at the dance a little too early and she is trying to cover it up.
When did life begin at 30?! I must have missed that memo. I thought that I was well ahead of the curve waiting until after college to get married, and then waiting several years before starting a family.
The more I write, the more I wonder if the root of this problem is I am afraid there are no more adventures left for me.
I am not a traveler. The one time I was on a plane I hated it, and I have no desire to fly EVER again. I don't party. My idea of a good time is a tea party worth 4 other kids. I don't want to get married again. My wedding was a disaster--thankfully the groom turned out to be my soul mate! :) (by the way I want to puke reading about all those love sick 30 year old women who have met their matches and have dream weddings and unforgettable honeymoons.)
Am I out of adventures? Gracie is amazing, and she is an adventure all her own. But, I think I may be done. I will never get up the courage to write articles for Parenting Magazine or publish the children's book that floats in my mind. Is Strasburg, VA it? I am done? Will my excitement level remain my daughter and thrift store sales for the next 10 years?
I guess I really am afraid that my adventures are over, and I do feel like everyone is raising eyebrows at me. "You are married with kids!?" "How nice."
I doubt I will give up my MySpace page, I have reconnected with some classmates, but maybe I will curb my use of looking at so many pages.
In the meantime I will attempt to continue to remind myself, like Hermie the caterpillar, "God isn't finished with me yet."
0 Response to "Too Early To The Party?"
Post a Comment