She's Gone

Gracie is off to school, and while I have no idea at this very moment where my oldest child is--I am trying hard not to think about it.

I made it until she climbed the stairs of the bus, and then I had to bite my lip (HARD) not to cry in front of the other kids and parents.

Gracie got up easily this morning at 7am, but commented "I didn't know my room was so dark at 7 in the morning." I had to laugh, but reassured her she would get used to it. I also noted to myself that it wouldn't always be this easy to get her up and going.

My excited girl ate her breakfast and brushed her teeth and even got dressed in record time. In fact we had about 10 minutes to burn before it was time to leave the house, so she played with Thomas.

I took millions of pictures and we left the house. We watched as many other parents took millions of pictures of their kids (including Dylan down the street--who doesn't ride the bus). We walked up the hill and saw the massive amounts of kids waiting along the road where the bus stops. I didn't count them, my nerves couldn't have taken it.

When we arrived at the top of the hill I noticed a little boy with a Kindergarten tag like Gracie's. I asked his mom if he was a Kindergartner too. He was, and he is in Gracie's class!! I felt so much relief. I asked him if Gracie could sit next to him on the bus. He didn't answer, but it seemed okay.

Then the bus arrived. The 30 or more kids made a bee line for the doors, but had to step back when the driver announced "Sandy Hook." He was making sure the little kids got on first. Gracie was the last in line, but she stepped up proudly and waved to me. Jacob (the other Kindergartner) got on several kids before her, and I don't think they ended up together. But, I am hopeful that maybe they will on the ride home.

That's when I about lost it. She turned the corner to walk down the isle and I couldn't see her anymore. I tried to find her in the window but couldn't. So I walked around the other side and finally got a glimpse of a shadow of her hair bow. So, I know she was on there and sitting down. I wish I could have seen her, and she could have watched me wave to her one more time. But, she is in God's hands now. Well, His and a million other adults that will herd my child through her first day.

The bus pulled out on to the main street and I walked as quickly as I could back to the house, determined not to let the other parents see me cry. I saved the boo-hooing for when I got inside.

She is going to have a fun day, and she is so excited. This is just one of those rites of passage for parents and kids, and I will make it though. But, I am doubtful as to how graceful it will be.

She should be at school now, sitting at her desk making new friends, and doing all of those fun school things.

Now, I focus on my actual baby and wait for my first "baby" to come home.

8 Responses to "She's Gone"

  1. Thinking of you and praying your day will speed by. If you have time, call tonight and fill us in on today's activities. Gracie, I hope you had a great day and made lots of new friends.

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  2. Grandma11:42 AM

    Gracie, Grandpa and I hope You have a really fun day at school! We hope you will tell us all about it when you get home!

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  3. Candice4:43 PM

    I'm glad you were able to hold your tears. I'm sure that Gracie was super excited and some serious butterflies. Did Daddy not go to watch his baby board the bus on the first day of school?

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  4. Aunt Dawn3:16 PM

    I know that one is hard, but be proud of her. Your baby is growing up. And what a sweetheart she is. Now you will have time to really baby Thomas like you did with Gracie.

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  5. Aunt Heather3:16 PM

    My prayers are with you today. She will have such exciting things to tell you when she gets home!

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  6. Tonia3:17 PM

    I am thinking about you today. I know that this was a tough day for you. I pray that you make it and that Gracie has a great day. She will have so much to tell you when she gets home. Thomas will be eating up all the attention that you can give him with Gracie at school.

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  7. Stephanie C3:17 PM

    You'll be okay! Enjoy the time to yourself! (when Thomas is napping) - you deserve it!

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  8. Aunt Sharon3:17 PM

    Said a prayer for you this morning

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