A Brief Glimpse
I got a very brief glimpse into Gracie's weekday world today when I drove to the school to pick up her classwork from the week she has missed.
I would like to say it was enlightening, or that it made me feel content and happy--but actually I left with a very "empty" feeling.
I am starting to think that the lack of adjustment to Gracie's new schedule isn't just physical. It might just be mental too.
I may not have cried all day on Gracie's first day of school, but I think deep down I still am having a a very hard time letting go, and we are on week 6 in to her very first school year.
It was pouring down rain and very cold outside when I attempted to get inside the school. I say attempted because I was trapped in the drop off line for parents. Now, I completely see why the school staff was pushing parents to let their kids ride the bus!
When I was able to park the car I walked past several teachers holding umbrellas and shivering, but with big smiles on their faces as they greeted bus kids and drop off kids to school for the morning.
I went inside and stopped at the usual desk (I have dropped off things before, but never went any further). I signed the paper and got a "guest"sticker and headed to Ms. Orndorff's room.
On my way I passed by the table with 3rd graders that were selling apples. I could instantly imagine Gracie standing excited in line getting her apple before class each morning. (She didn't hesitate to ask us for quarters so she could get one each day. The apple "stand" started last week.)
I walked past noisy kids and walked in to Gracie's room. There were kids around their tables coloring pages. They were quiet and busily working, and probably trying to warm up from the unseasonable weather. I couldn't look at them too long as my mind would start to wander to the fact that I have no idea what my child is doing all day.
Ms. Orndorff, who is absolutely wonderful, had gotten Gracie's papers together and went over them for me.
Some sort of buzz came over an intercom and the kids called out to their teachers that it was time for "morning announcements."
Inside that classroom, with those two very wonderful ladies, was a whole world that I would never know, and one that I would never be apart of.
I left the school as quickly as I could, remembering to sign out.
I walked to my car hurriedly in the rain and felt an overwhelming amount of sadness.
I had my daughter everyday this week in the comfort of our home. I knew what she was doing, and I was caring for her 24 hours a day like it used to be. And suddenly, I didn't want to let her go again.
She will have to go back to school on Monday. And, I will have to find a way to deal with it. In the meantime, I will be praying a lot for some sort of peace to go with all of this. I have 8 more months, and 12 more years of this. Not to mention letting go of another child. That's far too long to feel so empty.
I would like to say it was enlightening, or that it made me feel content and happy--but actually I left with a very "empty" feeling.
I am starting to think that the lack of adjustment to Gracie's new schedule isn't just physical. It might just be mental too.
I may not have cried all day on Gracie's first day of school, but I think deep down I still am having a a very hard time letting go, and we are on week 6 in to her very first school year.
It was pouring down rain and very cold outside when I attempted to get inside the school. I say attempted because I was trapped in the drop off line for parents. Now, I completely see why the school staff was pushing parents to let their kids ride the bus!
When I was able to park the car I walked past several teachers holding umbrellas and shivering, but with big smiles on their faces as they greeted bus kids and drop off kids to school for the morning.
I went inside and stopped at the usual desk (I have dropped off things before, but never went any further). I signed the paper and got a "guest"sticker and headed to Ms. Orndorff's room.
On my way I passed by the table with 3rd graders that were selling apples. I could instantly imagine Gracie standing excited in line getting her apple before class each morning. (She didn't hesitate to ask us for quarters so she could get one each day. The apple "stand" started last week.)
I walked past noisy kids and walked in to Gracie's room. There were kids around their tables coloring pages. They were quiet and busily working, and probably trying to warm up from the unseasonable weather. I couldn't look at them too long as my mind would start to wander to the fact that I have no idea what my child is doing all day.
Ms. Orndorff, who is absolutely wonderful, had gotten Gracie's papers together and went over them for me.
Some sort of buzz came over an intercom and the kids called out to their teachers that it was time for "morning announcements."
Inside that classroom, with those two very wonderful ladies, was a whole world that I would never know, and one that I would never be apart of.
I left the school as quickly as I could, remembering to sign out.
I walked to my car hurriedly in the rain and felt an overwhelming amount of sadness.
I had my daughter everyday this week in the comfort of our home. I knew what she was doing, and I was caring for her 24 hours a day like it used to be. And suddenly, I didn't want to let her go again.
She will have to go back to school on Monday. And, I will have to find a way to deal with it. In the meantime, I will be praying a lot for some sort of peace to go with all of this. I have 8 more months, and 12 more years of this. Not to mention letting go of another child. That's far too long to feel so empty.
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