Sunday, May 23, 2010
A Moment To Gather Myself!
On a Sunday like this one, I need all the Heavenly help I can get.
I found myself so frustrated with Thomas and his inability to behave appropriately at church-- or any time it seems.
Everyone wants to give him a "free pass" for being a boy and I refuse to do so. My expectations are high, I can admit that. But, as I pointed out this morning: our children are a reflection of ourselves, and today I am truly embarrassed!
Yes, Gracie was angel as a baby and a toddler, and preschooler, etc. And while she has her moments, she remains my sweet wonderful very well behaved little girl. And, I can't compare Thomas to his sister, or he will end up even more messed up. But, I can expect great things from my kids, and I intend to.
No he didn't bite anyone today, nor did he explode a diaper. He refused to sit still during church and play quietly with his toys and cookies and milk. He took off during the children's message and got the whole congregation's attention. He walked across the isle to his Aunt Ruth, but was not entertained for long enough apparently and made a bee line back too mommy--only he deviated his course with a very deliberate and sly look on his face and made his way to the front of the sanctuary before being caught and scooped up by mommy. Thwarted in his effort to do what he wanted he threw a temper tantrum and had to be removed from the room. He got left in the nursery. When I went to retrieve him some 10 minutes later at the end of the service, he was being held and was crying.
Now, you might ask why I don't just dump him in the nursery every Sunday?
1. I am a firm believer that is my SOLE job to care for my children. No one else should be responsible for them. If this means missing out on things, it means missing out. They are our joy and our burden and no one elses. We asked to be parents, and that comes with a 24/7 obligation.
2. There are so many new babies and young kids back there, the constant nursery worker and the weekly volunteer have their hands full! They don't need an extra handful to keep up with.
3. I am terrified of what he will do when I am not around! I have seen what he is capable of when I am standing right there next to him! I am so embarrassed of his behavior (that I am unsuccessfully trying to correct), I don't want to add more oil to the fire!
4. How is he, or any child, supposed to learn how to behave in situations if they are removed from them? He needs to learn to be reverent, quiet and somewhat still in church. He will have to learn how to behave in public, and in school, and at home. How else do you learn that to be taught in those situations?
So why is this Sunday getting to me worse than others? I mean he isn't exactly a prince on Sunday mornings, and sadly it is only getting worse. This isn't the first time I have had to take him to the back of the sanctuary or have had to take him to the nursery.
I think I am just starting to think about how we are not going to be able to find a church home in Richmond.
I mean all of these people know what a little demon child my son is, and they love him anyway. They make funny faces at him to get him to stop crying, and if they are on the end of a isle they know they could have to catch him at a moments notice (and many have had to!!!). A new church would be appalled at how I could possibly allow my son to act! I know I am!