Mom VS Mom: A War With Countless Casualties
It is one of those small holidays in life and you figured you covered the bases for your kids, until you you log onto Facebook and you see that another mom friend went all out.
You roll your eyes and shrug off that feeling of uneasiness that maybe you missed out.
You know it wasn't a big deal, but then you see three other profile pictures pop up of smiling little faces with extra holiday-fun written all over them
Now you are annoyed.
Really annoyed!
Why can't they just "phone it in" like a "real mom?" After all not every mom has time and energy for that sort of thing! Your frustration goes a step further when your child mentions the fun another child at school had. Now, your annoyance turns to anger and you rant with your keyboard pounding out what you are sure is wrong with other moms and how their over-the-top measures leave you with a tantrum mess to clean up.
Your rant gets forwarded and you get high fives all over the place. You get an extra big high five from a mom down the street. She is annoyed too, and not only about that--but she has been feeling slighted since she can't take her kids on a week long vacation like everyone seems to be doing. Why must they broadcast their expensive travels all over the place?
The working mom a few blocks over is in your corner too. She doesn't have time to do all those extra holiday things, but she works hard and it isn't her fault that other families can't manage their money--she can take her kids to the moon and back and has every right to post a million pictures of their trip. She works, she can't stay at home and watch every "first" and kiss every boo boo. She lives for the annual trip to Disney, and clings to the magic it brings. The magic that another mom just tainted.
The mom on maternity leave in the next county doesn't wish for Disney yet. She just wants to make it a full night of sleep. She's tried everything and in her sleep deprived stupor she screams out in a status update about those stupid formula companies who she is sure are trying to sabotage her resolve to breastfeed. While cursing a faceless company she uses the words "easy way out" and leaves another infant mom friend with the sharp stabs of her accusation.
Of course for the mom of four in the other school district, breast feeding is only a start, she is sure that organic and whole foods are the way to go. She has done her research and sees her kids reaping the rewards, but it doesn't seem like anyone is listening to her. Can't they see what the food is doing to their children? Frustrated and feeling voiceless she chats up the other moms at soccer practice about how organic will save their kids from the long list of diseases she rattles off.
The goalies mom is in her corner 100% and that is why little Joey is in soccer and little league and Pee Wee Football. Because if you don't put your child in team sports they will be overweight and never learn to work as a team, plus they can't gain confidence and socialize with other kids their own age.
Now the mom of the bench warmer has two problems. Little Cody thought he wanted to play soccer but he wants to quit because he doesn't like it. And, she feeds her kids a balance of what they will eat and what she can afford. What will happen to Cody now? The list rattled off in the past 30 minutes of "innocent mom chatter" goes through her mind. Meanwhile, a few lawn chairs over a group of soccer moms from the other team are gawking at Joey's mom's decision to let baby sister suck on a pacifier. A debate being held a little too loud and a little too easy to hear.
When Cody's mom gets home, she throws out the dinner she has thawed and attempts to quickly read labels and lashes out at the kids and her husband when they complain that they are hungry and ask where dinner is. That night she fights back frustrated tears and attempts to gather her self esteem back and posts pictures of her darlings in the clothes she made during her "free time" that they wore Sunday.
She gets several likes on the pictures, but the next day another ranting post pops up about moms who smother their children and who will end up stunting their growth.
Sue lives in the next state, but she saw that post too. She had just uploaded pictures of her kids and the green crafts she had come up with for them to do the day before. What fun it had been to do something a little extra. To hold on to those smiles for a few more seconds and to create a memory. Now, she wonders if she spends too much time with them. Is she spending enough time and too much money? Are they eating healthy? How can she afford organic food and junior sports teams on one income? Did she make the right decision to quit her job to stay at home? Maybe she should have home-schooled...maybe not that affects kids socially too?
It is a war that has been ongoing for generations, a war that gets more vicious with each passing year, a war that only produces losers, broken hearts, and low self esteem. A war that leaves everyone involved broken, defensive, and unsure of themselves. Mom vs Mom will never stop until we stop hurting each other out of fear.
You roll your eyes and shrug off that feeling of uneasiness that maybe you missed out.
You know it wasn't a big deal, but then you see three other profile pictures pop up of smiling little faces with extra holiday-fun written all over them
Now you are annoyed.
Really annoyed!
Why can't they just "phone it in" like a "real mom?" After all not every mom has time and energy for that sort of thing! Your frustration goes a step further when your child mentions the fun another child at school had. Now, your annoyance turns to anger and you rant with your keyboard pounding out what you are sure is wrong with other moms and how their over-the-top measures leave you with a tantrum mess to clean up.
Your rant gets forwarded and you get high fives all over the place. You get an extra big high five from a mom down the street. She is annoyed too, and not only about that--but she has been feeling slighted since she can't take her kids on a week long vacation like everyone seems to be doing. Why must they broadcast their expensive travels all over the place?
The working mom a few blocks over is in your corner too. She doesn't have time to do all those extra holiday things, but she works hard and it isn't her fault that other families can't manage their money--she can take her kids to the moon and back and has every right to post a million pictures of their trip. She works, she can't stay at home and watch every "first" and kiss every boo boo. She lives for the annual trip to Disney, and clings to the magic it brings. The magic that another mom just tainted.
The mom on maternity leave in the next county doesn't wish for Disney yet. She just wants to make it a full night of sleep. She's tried everything and in her sleep deprived stupor she screams out in a status update about those stupid formula companies who she is sure are trying to sabotage her resolve to breastfeed. While cursing a faceless company she uses the words "easy way out" and leaves another infant mom friend with the sharp stabs of her accusation.
Of course for the mom of four in the other school district, breast feeding is only a start, she is sure that organic and whole foods are the way to go. She has done her research and sees her kids reaping the rewards, but it doesn't seem like anyone is listening to her. Can't they see what the food is doing to their children? Frustrated and feeling voiceless she chats up the other moms at soccer practice about how organic will save their kids from the long list of diseases she rattles off.
The goalies mom is in her corner 100% and that is why little Joey is in soccer and little league and Pee Wee Football. Because if you don't put your child in team sports they will be overweight and never learn to work as a team, plus they can't gain confidence and socialize with other kids their own age.
Now the mom of the bench warmer has two problems. Little Cody thought he wanted to play soccer but he wants to quit because he doesn't like it. And, she feeds her kids a balance of what they will eat and what she can afford. What will happen to Cody now? The list rattled off in the past 30 minutes of "innocent mom chatter" goes through her mind. Meanwhile, a few lawn chairs over a group of soccer moms from the other team are gawking at Joey's mom's decision to let baby sister suck on a pacifier. A debate being held a little too loud and a little too easy to hear.
When Cody's mom gets home, she throws out the dinner she has thawed and attempts to quickly read labels and lashes out at the kids and her husband when they complain that they are hungry and ask where dinner is. That night she fights back frustrated tears and attempts to gather her self esteem back and posts pictures of her darlings in the clothes she made during her "free time" that they wore Sunday.
She gets several likes on the pictures, but the next day another ranting post pops up about moms who smother their children and who will end up stunting their growth.
Sue lives in the next state, but she saw that post too. She had just uploaded pictures of her kids and the green crafts she had come up with for them to do the day before. What fun it had been to do something a little extra. To hold on to those smiles for a few more seconds and to create a memory. Now, she wonders if she spends too much time with them. Is she spending enough time and too much money? Are they eating healthy? How can she afford organic food and junior sports teams on one income? Did she make the right decision to quit her job to stay at home? Maybe she should have home-schooled...maybe not that affects kids socially too?
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It is a war that has been ongoing for generations, a war that gets more vicious with each passing year, a war that only produces losers, broken hearts, and low self esteem. A war that leaves everyone involved broken, defensive, and unsure of themselves. Mom vs Mom will never stop until we stop hurting each other out of fear.
Well written!
ReplyDeleteVery true! Fortunately I have a close knit group of friends who I can vent to when I am feeling down. As hard as it is you have to try not to compare. I'm sure there are many parents out there who see your facebook posts and wish we could even do 20% of what you do Barbara! I don't have one ounce of creativity! You do so many crafts with them and make Gracie homemade dresses. You are making mom's jealous and you don't even know it!! :) Hold your head high, we all have different strengths and weaknesses. We as women need to lean on one another and vent to one another about what is eating at us.
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