The Terrible Two's

That's what my mom always called it; "The Terrible Two's." Well if that's what it is, my 18 month old daughter has it!!

Gracie has been especially difficult over the past few days. She's cranky for most of the day, and her tantrums, which I lovingly call "outbursts," are coming every hour or so. I know that she is teething some more even though I can't see anything through the gumline yet. But, its more than just the toddler miserable syndrome--she's well...a terror!

She has gotten into everything she knows is not allowed time after time. The books say she is "testing her limits," I say she is testing my patience. Day after day Garren and I scold her for getting into mommy's jewelry box (like I have anything valuable in there! But sill the pieces are mine and I don't want to see them lost or tangled) It's a jewelry armoire really, it has several tiny drawers, and to be honest I can definitely see the intrigue to small hands and curious minds. But despite the time outs, she returns again and again. Her behavior shows how smart she really is. She knows she is doing something she shouldn't, because when we catch her in the act, she walks away saying "no, no, no." But there is more than the limit testing, she's like a small puppy, when denied attention she retaliates. Whenever I have to leave her (to go to the bathroom, or to take a shower), I return to find her in the jewelry case, pushing the buttons on the computer or banging on the DVD player. She looks at me as if to say, "well you left me and I was mad." When I return from my daily workout, Garren informs me that he too has scolded her for doing things she's not allowed to do.

I know that this will pass. And there are tons of people out there with their own sage advice like: "Time outs, are you kidding, spank her and that will teach her a lesson!" Against my better judgment we did try taping her hand and saying no, but it lead to her hitting herself and telling herself no all the time whether she was doing something "bad" or not. She clearly was so hurt by this action that she internalized it and made her dislike herself. The hand taping ended almost as quickly as it began.

"Put more locks on your drawers and put things away better," is likely another source of advice. While we would love to furnish this very small apartment with cabinets that completely seal away any evidence of "cool things," we can not afford to replace the things we have, and besides, every child has to learn that they can't bang on everything they want to. We have child safety locks on doors and cabinets, but our amazingly strong and smart toddler has undone them quite quickly.

"Don't scold her, let her explore," this advice is likely from the grandparents of the group. While my fondest wish is for Gracie to be in an environment so large and safe that she could explore everything, this apartment is not it. The cable box she likes to bang on belongs to the cable company, if she breaks the DVD player we can not afford to get a new one and she can no longer watch her Baby Einstein DVD's, if she pushes enough buttons on the computer she will break it and all of our photos and files and digital videos will be lost, again.

I have found that each day is a new and exciting adventure with Gracie. While there are mountains of advice coming in from all corners, I have found the best within myself. Each day I make sure to find at least 10 things that Gracie does to applaud her for. I shower her with praises and hugs so she knows that not everything she does is bad. When she is put in timeout, I make sure I remind her why she was there and I hug her and tell her I still love her. I make every effort (and its not always easy) to remain calm when she "tests her limits," if she knows she's gotten me mad, she will know her job has been well done. And most importantly I pray each night, morning, mid morning, afternoon, mid afternoon, and evening for the strength to love and discipline this wonderful daughter of mine, and patience, I pray for a lot of patience to see me through.

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