Plugging Your Ears To Well Intentioned Advice

There was an article in this month's Baby Talk magazine that I got a few days ago that was nice to see. It was about not listening to everybody's two-cents worth when it comes to your pregnancy, birth and your baby.

I remember everybody had advice or anticdotes to share with me while I was pregnant, some worried me, some were to weird to listen to and others I recognized as old wives tales. When a woman is pregnant her hormones are elevated, and telling said pregnant woman all the horrible things that can go wrong or went wrong for you, especially when they didn't ask, are not necessarily a good thing.

I remember crying for weeks because I was convinced that the hospital wouldn't feed my baby. I knew that I didn't want to breast feed, and that seemed to be a huge taboo these days. So, I figured that the nurses, knowing that I had made the wrong decision, wouldn't feed my baby. Much to my dismay, when voicing this concern through tears at our hospital tour/registration, the nurse replied "no, we won't feed your baby," and after a long silence "...you will." That was not what I needed to hear, I was horrified. The abrupt nurse slowly filled me in on how the hospital likes new mothers to bond and care for their infants from the start, so the baby sleeps in the room and is feed and changed by the parents. She did ask me if I had considered breast feeding, and I told her yes, but that it wasn't a good choice for me, and she dropped the subject. I guess I was so worried about it because it seemed in every literature that came in the mail or was given to me at the doctor's office--breast milk was the only way your child would survive and it's IQ would be negative 10 if you didn't. Take my advice. Decide for yourself. If you are like me and uncomfortable with yourself, breast feeding is perhaps not the way to go--and there is nothing wrong with choosing formula...oh, and they will give you bottles to feed your baby!

"Don't hold her so much!" If I had a dime for every person that told me I held Gracie to much, I could pay for her college education. Babies need to be held and cuddled and know that they are loved. That's my job, and if the worse thing I did was hold her too much, then I am set. A family member even told me that I was spoiling her because I rocked her to sleep, and that she would never sleep on her own. Other well intentioned family members told Garren and I that letting Gracie get into the bed with us would ruin her and she would never sleep on her own. Well, for the record, Gracie has slept in her crib most of the night for over a year. The cuddle time she gets early in the mornings is as much for her as it is for us. She sleeps fine and I am pretty sure she is not scared for life. Of course I can only imagine what these people would say if I told them that I still cuddle her until she falls asleep for her nap!

I am the one who cared for Gracie every day of her life, but you would not believe how many people told me that she should be on a routine. When you are a new mom you want the best for your child, and you are dumb enough to listen to almost everything people tell you. I confronted the pediatrician about scheduling, after he chuckled, he told me that the baby would make up its own schedule and that I shouldn't even try until she was 6 months old or so. Oh, did I mention I got the scheduling advice starting from Gracie's first week? The doctor was right, Gracie had no concept of time, or of day and night, or of when mommy needed a shower. Every second was about her needs-and that was they was it was supposed to be.

I still get dirty looks from complete strangers when they see Gracie with a pacifier. I know that baby's can get addicted to them, and Gracie is pretty attatched to hers. But, its not hurting her. She is not yet three, the cutoff that pediatricans recommend, actually she's not even two yet! Random people often tell me the stories of how they just weren't going to let their children have them, as if they were straws filled with cocaine. Another woman told me she got so annoyed that her daughter dropped hers so often, that she just threw them all in the trash when she was a year old. I do worry at times about the pacifier, but I think its because so many people have to tell me how horrible it is that my child uses one. It is very hard to tune out advice, but if you don't you will worry all the time needlessly. The only people you really need to listen to are yourself, your husband, your child and your pediatrician.

The above were issues that really hurt me. I know no one would have wanted to make me worry or upset me, but they did. Most of the time the person just didn't think before blurting out their disapproval. If you can help it, try to drain the advice you receive and only do what you think is right. If you are in doubt, ask the pediatrician that's what they are there for.

Here are some other misinformation/advice I received that was debunked by the doctor or was not a blanket statement....

*Heartburn means your child will have a head of hair ---old wives tale
*Don't put weight on your babies legs or they will get rickets --pediatrician said that this was true on the 20's and 30's before we made such strides in calcium and other nutrients for babies.
*Keep your baby awake so they will sleep at night--not only did this not work for us, but it made for a very cranky baby. The baby knows when it needs to sleep.

***Picture of Gracie at 3 weeks***

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