Bad Role Model
No one likes to admit they are failing at something...or even lacking, but I am noticing that I am not being a very good role model for my daughter these days.
I am not an expert parent, and while I have thought how neat it would be to write for one of those parenting magazines--I am now realizing that would not be a good thing. At least not with the current state of affairs in this house.
School seems to be getting somewhat better with Gracie. I guess. She doesn't tell me much, and I find myself getting more and more frustrated with the notes and information (including lack there of) that I am getting following her day.
Yesterday I said out loud (to myself, and all of Facebook, but it still counts) "I wanna pack Gracie and Thomas up and go home!"
That's not the first time I have said it, and certainly not the first time I have thought it. And, it isn't the only bad example I seem to be setting these days.
Frustration seems to be a daily battle for me. Thomas is a handful and has been for oh, almost 20 months now. 8 hours of nightly sleep is rare, chaos is abundant, little girl attitude is rearing its ugly head, disorganization is at an all time high in the house, Garren is working many more hours, I have no friends or family here, and quite frankly I am ready to just give up.
But, what does that say to Gracie? What does that say to either of my children? When life gets hard just throw in the towel? They get enough of that attitude from TV, strangers, and even some family members.
They need mommy to be strong. I need them to learn to grow and be strong themselves so they can face any challenge.
I was that way...once. Actually I was that way until about oh, 20 something months ago.
You know, I knew that having two kids would be hard, but I wasn't really prepared for just how hard it would be. I wasn't prepared for the debilitating pain and mental incapability that would hit at the same time. I wasn't prepared for 14 months of sleepless nights. I wasn't prepared to balance all of that, deal with the first ever year of school, move twice, say goodbye to the extended family I had formed and practically start all over again.
Many of you might feel for me and even say you couldn't blame me for wanting to crawl in a hole and cry for about a month and maybe never even resurface. But, the truth is as much as I am tired of being tired, and tired of the chaos, and the change, and the lack of sleep, and the phases that both of my children seem to be going through constantly at the same time....I am even more tired of complaining about it.
We poor moms have no one to complain to really. We can complain to our husbands--and you may get lucky and they "hear" you during half time, and you can complain to the kids, but they have no idea what you are talking about, and you might complain to your mother and she will tell you it is "pay back." So really, what good is complaining. No one is listening but you, and you have heard it all before.
I have promised myself I am going to "buck up," and "get it together" many times over the past 20 months. Sounds sad I guess that I haven't actually done it--but it takes time to uncover from being just plain overwhelmed.
It was yesterday when I nearly threw a ridiculous note the teacher sent home to me and then angrily typed that I wanted to go home in my Facebook status, that I realized that it seemed familiar.
Where could I have heard such a tantrum?
Hmmm...
Maybe I have heard it far too many times over the past 3-4 months from my SIX YEAR OLD DAUGHTER! (yeah, she is already in the defiant stage, I was sure I had until age 13)
Now odds are this is just one of the many stages she is going through and will go through...but, what if she has been watching me over the past four months? What if she sees mommy losing her mind almost on a daily basis and just sitting in a pile of herself trying not to cry? What if she is learning to just give up from me?!
Of course she is watching me. Of course she is learning from me. Kids do that. They see what their parents do and say and the mimic it (now that makes you nervous don't it!!).
I don't want her to give up. I don't want this to be what she remembers of her sixth year of life. I don't want this to be the person I permanently turn in to . I am a better mother than this, and I have two very young, very impressionable people watching my every move.
Now, I have no brilliant plan as of yet. But, they always say "knowing you have a problem is the first step in finding a solution." So, that's a good sign I guess.
Here's hoping...more accurately praying....that I make sure I emphasize the positives of my life and life in general every day. When things aren't going so well, I take steps to fix the problem--not steps to the tissues and look for movers headed back to where I don't live any more.
I don't make any promises, but if you are tired of hearing me whine on this blog, you aren't alone. I am tired of hearing me whine too. (And I am very tired of hearing Gracie whine!) Let the more productive (and sane) Barbara find her way to the surface now that the season I love best has also found its way to the surface. If autumn could get loose from summer's overwhelmingly hot grasp--I can get loose from depression and exhaustion's overwhelmingly chaotic hold as well.
Stay tuned....and pray.
I am not an expert parent, and while I have thought how neat it would be to write for one of those parenting magazines--I am now realizing that would not be a good thing. At least not with the current state of affairs in this house.
School seems to be getting somewhat better with Gracie. I guess. She doesn't tell me much, and I find myself getting more and more frustrated with the notes and information (including lack there of) that I am getting following her day.
Yesterday I said out loud (to myself, and all of Facebook, but it still counts) "I wanna pack Gracie and Thomas up and go home!"
That's not the first time I have said it, and certainly not the first time I have thought it. And, it isn't the only bad example I seem to be setting these days.
Frustration seems to be a daily battle for me. Thomas is a handful and has been for oh, almost 20 months now. 8 hours of nightly sleep is rare, chaos is abundant, little girl attitude is rearing its ugly head, disorganization is at an all time high in the house, Garren is working many more hours, I have no friends or family here, and quite frankly I am ready to just give up.
But, what does that say to Gracie? What does that say to either of my children? When life gets hard just throw in the towel? They get enough of that attitude from TV, strangers, and even some family members.
They need mommy to be strong. I need them to learn to grow and be strong themselves so they can face any challenge.
I was that way...once. Actually I was that way until about oh, 20 something months ago.
You know, I knew that having two kids would be hard, but I wasn't really prepared for just how hard it would be. I wasn't prepared for the debilitating pain and mental incapability that would hit at the same time. I wasn't prepared for 14 months of sleepless nights. I wasn't prepared to balance all of that, deal with the first ever year of school, move twice, say goodbye to the extended family I had formed and practically start all over again.
Many of you might feel for me and even say you couldn't blame me for wanting to crawl in a hole and cry for about a month and maybe never even resurface. But, the truth is as much as I am tired of being tired, and tired of the chaos, and the change, and the lack of sleep, and the phases that both of my children seem to be going through constantly at the same time....I am even more tired of complaining about it.
We poor moms have no one to complain to really. We can complain to our husbands--and you may get lucky and they "hear" you during half time, and you can complain to the kids, but they have no idea what you are talking about, and you might complain to your mother and she will tell you it is "pay back." So really, what good is complaining. No one is listening but you, and you have heard it all before.
I have promised myself I am going to "buck up," and "get it together" many times over the past 20 months. Sounds sad I guess that I haven't actually done it--but it takes time to uncover from being just plain overwhelmed.
It was yesterday when I nearly threw a ridiculous note the teacher sent home to me and then angrily typed that I wanted to go home in my Facebook status, that I realized that it seemed familiar.
Where could I have heard such a tantrum?
Hmmm...
Maybe I have heard it far too many times over the past 3-4 months from my SIX YEAR OLD DAUGHTER! (yeah, she is already in the defiant stage, I was sure I had until age 13)
Now odds are this is just one of the many stages she is going through and will go through...but, what if she has been watching me over the past four months? What if she sees mommy losing her mind almost on a daily basis and just sitting in a pile of herself trying not to cry? What if she is learning to just give up from me?!
Of course she is watching me. Of course she is learning from me. Kids do that. They see what their parents do and say and the mimic it (now that makes you nervous don't it!!).
I don't want her to give up. I don't want this to be what she remembers of her sixth year of life. I don't want this to be the person I permanently turn in to . I am a better mother than this, and I have two very young, very impressionable people watching my every move.
Now, I have no brilliant plan as of yet. But, they always say "knowing you have a problem is the first step in finding a solution." So, that's a good sign I guess.
Here's hoping...more accurately praying....that I make sure I emphasize the positives of my life and life in general every day. When things aren't going so well, I take steps to fix the problem--not steps to the tissues and look for movers headed back to where I don't live any more.
I don't make any promises, but if you are tired of hearing me whine on this blog, you aren't alone. I am tired of hearing me whine too. (And I am very tired of hearing Gracie whine!) Let the more productive (and sane) Barbara find her way to the surface now that the season I love best has also found its way to the surface. If autumn could get loose from summer's overwhelmingly hot grasp--I can get loose from depression and exhaustion's overwhelmingly chaotic hold as well.
Stay tuned....and pray.
Barbara, You are one of the toughest and most determined people I have ever known. If it can be done; you will do it. You are in my prayers daily. (little girls change stages almost weekly; it WILL get better!)
ReplyDeleteYou are always in my prayers. I really do know what you are going through. I remember all too well! Hang in there - Barbara uh... rather Gracie - will turn out just fine, even if YOU make a mistake or two. Although, she may remind you of all of them when she gets older :) I know you are a great Mama and are doing a great job! I love you!
ReplyDeletetell her that you realize you are setting an example that you dont want her following. explain why this is hard for you and ask her for her help. I am sure she has some ideas as to how she can help make this easier for you, and sometimes telling them their behavior is hurting you helps (gracie, i have a hard time being pateint when..., can you please help me think of a way that can go smoother?) Also: boys are awhole new breed... mmaking him cry at night as far away from your room as possible wont hurt him (trust me, we are going thru this with cara, she has fallen asleep in front of her door the past few days and i have to squeeze in, pick her up and put her back in bed bc she has been screaming in her room for 30 minutes bc she doesnt want to go to bed. its hard, but WORTH it... a few days of pain is def WORTH it... moving is tough, i cannot even begin to imagine what you will be hearing from me in a few months. Find a mommy and me group, or a newcomers group. they can be invaluable resources, and HANG IN THERE, i will need your settlign into new town advice soon!
ReplyDeleteI can't say that I know what you are going through except for the sleep deprivation. However, I've only had 6 weeks of that. Of course, that's enough! I'm praying for you though. I'm thankful that my child doesn't understand the things I'm saying right now. I can't tell you how many times I've yelled and screamed that I want to sell my house and move far far away in the past few weeks. I'd LOVE to, and I can say that I don't think I'd even miss it because I'm sick of the drama.
ReplyDeleteOh Barbara, I am sorry you are still struggling. You are an excellent mother, and you need to never let go of that truth! Just because you are struggling doesn't take away from your commitment to your children! I think it is often a positive thing for our children to realize we struggle too. It is probably comforting to Gracie at times to know she isn't the only one having difficutly adapting! I applaude you for the ability to be real in front of your children, while still desiring to handle those issues with as much composure as possible. I know you and I haven't had much opportunity to establish our relationship, but if you ever just want to talk, whine or complain I will be an willing listener!!! We will continue to keep you guys in our prayers! P.S. the attitudes and stages only get worse, so buckle up and hang on for the long, exhausting and wonderful ride! :)
ReplyDelete