Wuv You!

Tonight you told me you loved me.

Your sweet words spoken from those darling little chubby cheeks were the most wonderful surprise.

I doubt that you know what those words mean, but I don't mind. You know that when mommy says it to you she looks at you in awe and nuzzles your cheeks and covers you in kisses. So, you know what those words feel like. So, to hear you say them to me means all the world.

I wasn't expecting my first "wuv you" tonight, in fact I don't think I would blame you if you never said it to me.

Oh, how I have failed over and over again in these nearly 2 years trying to be your mother. I couldn't feed you the way they said I should, I couldn't comfort you for most of your newborn months, I couldn't soothe you to sleep, I can't get you to eat healthy, I haven't had your picture professionally done since you were 12 months and even then it was only the third time in your life. I let a woman cut all of your beautiful blond locks off, I spend more time telling you "no," than "yes." I find I little energy, patience, and calm left at the end, and sometimes beginning of the day for you.

Oh, how want to erase the many, many mistakes that haunt me, and yet I never find any peace with them...until tonight. In those two precious syllables you washed away the overwhelming weight that I carry with me.

I think I could have floated out of your room tonight. What a precious little boy you are to let your mommy know that you love her even though she doesn't always love herself. That you love me even with a bad haircut, and with few professional pictures in the album. That you love me despite my constant frustration over your energetic ways.

You said more in two words, than many could have said in a lifetime to me.

Thank you my dear sweet boy for loving me.

Mommy loves you too.

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