He Promises To Still Love Me
"Thomas, look at your long legs. You keep growing and growing, I told you to stop that." I smiled at him and he scrunches up his face.
"But, I can't stop mom, I am almost five."
I rubbed his long legs and his very cold feet as he lay beside me running a car up and down the flat sheet pulled tight on our big bed.
"Can't you stay four? I love you being four."
What I wanted to say was that I wanted to freeze time and space and live in that moment maybe forever. I wanted to think of him with those precious eyes and that perfectly messy little boy blonde hair. I wanted his little foot to still fit in one of my hands. I wanted his heroes to still be tow truck drivers and his daddy. I wanted his whole world to always revolve around cars and his mommy.
"Bryce is going to be five, and I have to be five."
Hard to argue when your best friend is going to change with you.
"Will you still love me when you are five?"
He races his car down a different path on the bed where we lay.
"Uh-huh."
"Will you still snuggle me when you are five?"
Vroom, vroom
"Uh-huh."
"Will you still give me hugs when you are five?"
Two matchbox cars crash
"Uh-huh."
"Can I still give you kisses when you are five?"
"Uh-huh."
I watch him as he continues his pretend car adventure, knowing that our roles have temporarily been reversed. Recognizing it is my job to let him know no matter what happens mommy is always there and it will all be okay, I allow him to reassure me that his love will never waiver regardeless of age or height. I allow my brain and heart to wistfully accept the pie crust promises that things will never change.
I smile at him again, his gaze having never strayed from his tiny vehicles, and I rub the soft top of his little head.
The urge is too great, and I lean my head in closer and cover him in kisses. He drops his car and roars with giggles.
I savor my moment trying hard to remember every little eye lash and every blonde hair, the smell of his skin and the sound of his laughter.
I only have a few more days of "four," and I am going to miss them so much. But, I have been promised love at age "five," and I intend to collect.
"But, I can't stop mom, I am almost five."
I rubbed his long legs and his very cold feet as he lay beside me running a car up and down the flat sheet pulled tight on our big bed.
"Can't you stay four? I love you being four."
What I wanted to say was that I wanted to freeze time and space and live in that moment maybe forever. I wanted to think of him with those precious eyes and that perfectly messy little boy blonde hair. I wanted his little foot to still fit in one of my hands. I wanted his heroes to still be tow truck drivers and his daddy. I wanted his whole world to always revolve around cars and his mommy.
"Bryce is going to be five, and I have to be five."
Hard to argue when your best friend is going to change with you.
"Will you still love me when you are five?"
He races his car down a different path on the bed where we lay.
"Uh-huh."
"Will you still snuggle me when you are five?"
Vroom, vroom
"Uh-huh."
"Will you still give me hugs when you are five?"
Two matchbox cars crash
"Uh-huh."
"Can I still give you kisses when you are five?"
"Uh-huh."
I watch him as he continues his pretend car adventure, knowing that our roles have temporarily been reversed. Recognizing it is my job to let him know no matter what happens mommy is always there and it will all be okay, I allow him to reassure me that his love will never waiver regardeless of age or height. I allow my brain and heart to wistfully accept the pie crust promises that things will never change.
I smile at him again, his gaze having never strayed from his tiny vehicles, and I rub the soft top of his little head.
The urge is too great, and I lean my head in closer and cover him in kisses. He drops his car and roars with giggles.
I savor my moment trying hard to remember every little eye lash and every blonde hair, the smell of his skin and the sound of his laughter.
I only have a few more days of "four," and I am going to miss them so much. But, I have been promised love at age "five," and I intend to collect.
Oh Barbara, You are such a talented writer!! I'm waiting on you to start a book!!! That's beautiful :):)
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