First Parent/Teacher Conference

This actually only my second one ever! I had a parent/teacher conference when Gracie was in Kindergarten too.

Now, I realize that may make me sound like an uniformed, uninvolved parent--but I am not. I am at my kids school several times a month, and I am in email contact with their teachers at least every other week.

The difference is in how this school handles conferences.

Gracie was in Strasburg when she was in Kindergarten. They were adamant about parent-teacher conferences and sent home sign up sheets, and when you hadn't signed up, they sent home 2 more until you did. It was a BIG part of their system and they wanted ALL parents to make time for a conference day that ran until 7pm at night.

At this school (where Gracie started first grade), conferences seem to be set aside for students who need them (you know what I am talking about). Now, while I am sure that I would be welcomed, I almost feel discouraged to make a conference unless it was asked of me. You have to call the front office to make an appointment, the paper that comes home actually says on it "by appointment only." I think that the staff try to give teachers as much free time on these days as possible for planning.

But, I felt I needed to go to see Mrs. Naff. Gracie gets A's. Always has. And, she can tell me what is happening at school and let me know when she is struggling. Thomas doesn't.

First, let me tell you I was nervous going in. I love my little munchkin, but he is nothing like his sister. He is brave, and outspoken, and chatty (she is too, just not in public), and fidgety, and outgoing. So, imagine my surprise, embarrassment, and pride when I learned the following things.

1. Mrs. Naff loves Thomas. Not just because teachers love their students, but she loves him all the way. Just the way he is. His mother came in worried about his flaws and how they would reflect on her and his behavior, and this teacher embraces him, all of him, and doesn't find any of his behavior "embarrassing."

2. He is a good kid. I know he is good, but again, I was so worried about how many drops he had in his "bucket" and the fact that he had only been to the treasure box 1 time and Bryce has been 5, I couldn't see that an outgoing kid doesn't mean a behavior problem.

3. He's a smart boy. Mrs. Naff went over some testing that Kindergarteners go through in the fall and spring to see their different levels. I bit my lip as she began to show me scores. Gracie is so smart. She always has been. She has been in her own reading level from K through 2nd grade. Thomas could care less about school work and learning (at home) and his speech still struggles. She talks about each section of the test and what he did right and what he missed. The "benchmark" was something like 28--Thomas more than tripled that! I have to stop associating his short attention span for not caring, or learning or absorbing.

4. I talk a good game about trying not to compare my kids to each other or other children--but I fail, and I am not sure how hard I am trying!

5. I just love Mrs. Naff more and more everyday. Even when she makes me fight back tears sitting in a tiny chair. Her love for him just poured out, and I was so taken aback--not only because she loved him so much and it is a wonderful feeling when someone else loves your child, but because I love him to the moon and back, and yet I make excuses for him, or joke away all of his "quirks" that make me feel like I am not doing a good job parenting him because he isn't as well behaved and smart and quiet. Gracie has always been the definition of a "good child," and I have somehow decided that those things are the only marks of a "good child" and since he isn't those things all the time, I must not be a "good parent" with him.

6. I have to stop making excuses for him. I didn't count how many I made sitting in that tiny chair, but I know it was a lot. I do that--a lot! I tell people "well, he is my handful," or "he is a stinker pants," or "Thomas is different." People have to think I am a nut, or worse: ashamed of my child. I am not, I have never

been ashamed of him, I have been ashamed that I have been a bad parent because I have unrealistic expectations of what a "good kid" is supposed to look like.

7. I should have made an appointment for Gracie. Whether I feel discouraged from making one, getting a one on one assessment of my child and how they are doing is worth the "discomfort." I am not sure what they will do in Middle School, but any future parent/teacher conference days at this school will have my name on the appointment book.