Socially Irrelevant
If my "world" had a newspaper, the subscriptions would bankrupt the company.
Of course if I had a dime for every time my mother, or any other mother for that matter, said "no one ever listens to me!" I would be a wealthy woman and wouldn't need to rely on the subscriptions.
I joined Facebook several years ago after former high school friends urged me to jump on the social networking bandwagon.
It didn't take long before I was doing what everyone else was: sharing every detail of my life to 200 of my "closest" friends.
Over the years the electronic high school was both friend and foe--but honestly, more foe than friend.
I would stare in to this window that allowed me to get sneak peeks in to the lives of former classmates, former co-workers, former friends. They were sharing details of their lives and it was if time had reversed itself back to when we were close, when we shared things about our selves and work and school and family. It made me feel included again.
But the feeling of "inclusion" would wear off. No, I never stopped to think that the 300, 400+ "friends" they had were all getting the same information. No, I found myself looking around and realizing how sad my life seemed in comparison.
Ironically, the connection of high school classmates and friends was like high school all over again (well my high school full of over-achievers anyway). They were all showing off their flashy new careers like we compared grades more than a decade ago. They were posting pictures of new homes, cars, vacations much like seeing who had the best "ride" in the student parking lot or who got the best prom dress.They were all fawning over new loves and husbands and boyfriends like...well, that one hasn't changed at all.
There lives are so much more exiting than mine. That doesn't mean mine isn't fulfilling--but as I sat in my pajamas usually covered in baby spit up or paint or some other child related spill--I would read as my "friends" would post about their stain-free lives.
Putting jealousy aside for a moment, it was tonight that the bigger reality set in for me.
I am socially irrelevant.
I have nothing of interest to talk about.
That doesn't mean people don't like or care about me, and I know that I haven't always been confident enough to say that and mean it, but it really isn't about that.
I can put my "friends" on Facebook in to several categories.
There are the "political types." These are people who have a social concious and who are always talking (usually angrily) about the wrongs in the world and in government. They are almost always fired up about something.
There are those whose lives are almost completely work-related. They are the ones who complain about parking and traffic, they post about their work day and the people who surround them in the office.
There are the comediennes. The ones who are always joking or being sarcastic about anything and everything. They want to get a rise, or a chuckle out of their status.
There are the worldly people. Those who rave over places they have been, or those who always have some new recipe or arty thing to share.
Not everyone fits in to these groups--but the point I am trying to make is that those people have a voice that someone wants to hear.
Unless you are family, you really wouldn't care about what I have to say. I am not worldly, I am a picky eater, I don't travel, I don't work outside of the home, I am definitely not funny, and I avoid the news and all things political.
So what does that leave? The sleeping habits of a toddler, and the trials of first grade.
I have my kids. My kids are my world, and unless you think they are special like I do--I doubt you care to hear about it.
It's kind of a sad revelation I guess. But, now that I have come to this conclusion I can stop trying so hard. And, of course stop embarassing myself by posting the most mondane and boring information on the web.
I think Facebook is for the fascinating, and the young. I am neither. Boy my kids are going to be so embarrassed of me when they are teens.
I think I need to join a sewing circle, or find my female counterparts at the nursing home and watch Golden Girls.
What is more sad than being socially irrelevant? Having a life time of experiences and insight and knowledge that no one wants. Very few people want to know where to find the best thrift stores, how to use supplies around the house to make crafts for your kids, how to stretch a dollar tight enough to fit a one income household, and how to make it through at least 6 years of motherhood.
Maybe in another decade people will want to hear what I have to say, because their lives will have finally slowed down to the turtle pace of mine.
I shall wait and see.
Of course if I had a dime for every time my mother, or any other mother for that matter, said "no one ever listens to me!" I would be a wealthy woman and wouldn't need to rely on the subscriptions.
I joined Facebook several years ago after former high school friends urged me to jump on the social networking bandwagon.
It didn't take long before I was doing what everyone else was: sharing every detail of my life to 200 of my "closest" friends.
Over the years the electronic high school was both friend and foe--but honestly, more foe than friend.
I would stare in to this window that allowed me to get sneak peeks in to the lives of former classmates, former co-workers, former friends. They were sharing details of their lives and it was if time had reversed itself back to when we were close, when we shared things about our selves and work and school and family. It made me feel included again.
But the feeling of "inclusion" would wear off. No, I never stopped to think that the 300, 400+ "friends" they had were all getting the same information. No, I found myself looking around and realizing how sad my life seemed in comparison.
Ironically, the connection of high school classmates and friends was like high school all over again (well my high school full of over-achievers anyway). They were all showing off their flashy new careers like we compared grades more than a decade ago. They were posting pictures of new homes, cars, vacations much like seeing who had the best "ride" in the student parking lot or who got the best prom dress.They were all fawning over new loves and husbands and boyfriends like...well, that one hasn't changed at all.
There lives are so much more exiting than mine. That doesn't mean mine isn't fulfilling--but as I sat in my pajamas usually covered in baby spit up or paint or some other child related spill--I would read as my "friends" would post about their stain-free lives.
Putting jealousy aside for a moment, it was tonight that the bigger reality set in for me.
I am socially irrelevant.
I have nothing of interest to talk about.
That doesn't mean people don't like or care about me, and I know that I haven't always been confident enough to say that and mean it, but it really isn't about that.
I can put my "friends" on Facebook in to several categories.
There are the "political types." These are people who have a social concious and who are always talking (usually angrily) about the wrongs in the world and in government. They are almost always fired up about something.
There are those whose lives are almost completely work-related. They are the ones who complain about parking and traffic, they post about their work day and the people who surround them in the office.
There are the comediennes. The ones who are always joking or being sarcastic about anything and everything. They want to get a rise, or a chuckle out of their status.
There are the worldly people. Those who rave over places they have been, or those who always have some new recipe or arty thing to share.
Not everyone fits in to these groups--but the point I am trying to make is that those people have a voice that someone wants to hear.
Unless you are family, you really wouldn't care about what I have to say. I am not worldly, I am a picky eater, I don't travel, I don't work outside of the home, I am definitely not funny, and I avoid the news and all things political.
So what does that leave? The sleeping habits of a toddler, and the trials of first grade.
I have my kids. My kids are my world, and unless you think they are special like I do--I doubt you care to hear about it.
It's kind of a sad revelation I guess. But, now that I have come to this conclusion I can stop trying so hard. And, of course stop embarassing myself by posting the most mondane and boring information on the web.
I think Facebook is for the fascinating, and the young. I am neither. Boy my kids are going to be so embarrassed of me when they are teens.
I think I need to join a sewing circle, or find my female counterparts at the nursing home and watch Golden Girls.
What is more sad than being socially irrelevant? Having a life time of experiences and insight and knowledge that no one wants. Very few people want to know where to find the best thrift stores, how to use supplies around the house to make crafts for your kids, how to stretch a dollar tight enough to fit a one income household, and how to make it through at least 6 years of motherhood.
Maybe in another decade people will want to hear what I have to say, because their lives will have finally slowed down to the turtle pace of mine.
I shall wait and see.
amen. i am sooo right there with you. Being at home as a mom is boring most of the time. Busy and demanding, and when kids are the center of the life, no one else is extremely interested. It made me wonder which category of yours I would fit into. I feel the exact same way. i am socially irrelevant. I am glad to be where I am right now, but it was a sad day when I realized the same thing... no one wants to hear abt homeschooling, a whiny 2 year old (she is such a diva right now!!) and neighbors leaving their kids with me at all hours of the day because Im home already...
ReplyDeleteOkay, maybe I feel a lot like you in some ways. You know that we do not lead an exciting life at all. I HATE HATE HATE to travel. I let everyone else do that for me, and I'll just check out their pictures. I've considered deleting my facebook account so many times, but I have yet to actually do it. I've added people that I didn't want to add. Of course they are blocked from seeing my posts. I even have added an "enemy" to my list. You know that I won't facebook about my child. I don't want to ever be questioned about how I'm raising her or why her name is different/odd. I don't handle that type of criticism well.
ReplyDeleteI personally LOVE hearing all about your kids! I actually just checked out your "crafty" blog before this one. Of course, we're not quite to the crafty stage yet!
P.S.-Has Thomas made a sock snowman?
Barbara, You are by no means socially irrelevant; think about about it... the countless hours you spend showing your children unconditional love, kindness, manners and just plain civility in a world where these are becoming near obsolete will prove to be invaluable. What we need is more mothers willing to settle for less materially and spend time instilling these values in their children. You are changing society for the better for generations to come. Gracie and Thomas will change their spheres of influence and in turn society will become better for their having touched those around them. I trust your children will teach their children and so on. Take heart... you are leaving a legacy! So much more important than exciting status updates on facebook!
ReplyDeleteAMEN TO Mamaw !!! I agree with you totally !!!! Yes, Barbara LISTEN TO Us !!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteYou are most definately not socially irrelevant! Though you may think your life stlye is boring to others you are wrong. I read your post some days and really miss the time that I spent when mothering was my full time job! Though I was never as creative as you, I loved nothing more than planning field trips, cooking, baking, doing crafts, and teaching my children at home! There was a stage when they were my whole life! I read your posts and think back to the times when my children were young and needed me. Now life is different, and though I love the change, I love to think on the past! You are one of the fortunate ones to be able to have this time working at the greatest profession in the world! Enjoy it, be proud of, keep posting the things that very few will ever admit to you that they are insanely jealous of! Who has ever had a child and not wanted to do all the things you are fortunate enough to do with them? And if there are those who may find it boring.... who cares? As long as you and your kids are happy what else really matters?
ReplyDeleteIt's time for some butt-whoopin'! Are your knees shakin' yet? Seriously, this little self-esteem boost is going to take more time and space then this little rectangle will allow.
ReplyDelete